As of yesterday, all my drains are out and I’m feeling much less uncomfortable! And, even better than that, my sarcoma surgeon shared the pathology results from the mastectomy: NEGATIVE MARGINS! She was able to remove any cancer that remained. A small tumor remained from my original lumpectomy in September. The “post-surgical changes” everyone was so sure weren’t cancer (despite me urging otherwise) turned out to be residual tumor. Thankfully, the pathology report also showed that the tumor removed was only 20% viable, which means the chemotherapy and radiation killed 80% of it!

Now, my main job is healing. My reconstructive surgeon said that all my incisions appear to be healing well. The only hiccup is a minor skin infection on part of the skin that had been radiated. She’s hoping a course of antibiotics knocks it out. My homecoming may be slightly delayed but we want to make sure everything is taken care of before we head home. 

Delaying our return home is never fun but we are able to handle it better than in the beginning. We’ve definitely learned that decisions have to be adaptable and my health is the top priority for now. I never thought not being in control of my life would feel this… normal. Life has certainly changed in the last nine months.

I still can’t quite believe how quickly time has gone by. So much has happened in what feels like a short amount of time. But, hopefully, once I’ve kicked this awful thing to the curb once and for all, the fast forward button on whatever remote seems to be controlling my life right now will finally let up. I know I can’t slow time down but I very intend to fill it with the things that truly matter.

My floors may have more dirty little footprints and paw prints, my house may be more untidy from all the LEGO creations and works of art, that laundry I’ve been meaning to fold is gonna be a little wrinkly when I finally get to it. None of that really matters, though; especially when I’m spending my time playing games, giggling at silly jokes, going on walks, and just loving on the people that love me.

I used to be so tired and could never figure out why. It’s become a little clearer now that I don’t fill my time with errands and chores and worrying about what I think I’m “supposed to be doing.” I don’t know whose expectations I was living under; creating my own has been so freeing. I’ve started making the effort to just live life and enjoy things, and now I’m not so tired. In fact, I feel energized on the happy days, the days I don’t worry about what I feel like I should be accomplishing or what needs to be done.

“Stuff” will get done when it gets done. I might show up late sometimes or in a shirt that might be a tad wrinkled, but I’m going to be there with a smile and a full heart. And I hope that, if my kids don’t learn anything else from me, they learn that a happy heart is more important than an empty to-do list.

So, today, I’m not going to do anything but celebrate a decade of happiness with my amazing husband. I’m going to smile until my cheeks are sore and laugh until my tummy hurts. My heart is full and my mind is free of worry. Cancer might have a say in my future but it has no power over my life.