It feels so strange to be back here, navigating the halls of this enormous hospital. I didn’t realize how normal the last five weeks have felt, how not-like-a-cancer-patient I felt. But, laying in the MRI machine yesterday, reality came crashing back down like a giant wave. It cascaded over me, nearly bringing me to tears. And one word, CANCER, rattled around in my brain while I listened to the thumping and whining of the machine.

Surgery is scheduled for this coming Wednesday. I’ve completed the pre-op imaging and blood work. I’ve seen my sarcoma surgeon who will be performing the mastectomy. Tuesday I will see the plastic surgeon who is handling the reconstruction.

I think I’m more nervous about the surgery than I was for chemotherapy. There’s just something about being put under while your body is drastically changed that is unnerving. The very small (but real) chance of complications or not waking up is also hanging out in the back of my mind. I’m doing my absolute best to ignore that persistent anxiety and the worst case scenario thoughts it creates.

To alleviate a little stress and preemptively celebrate our ten year wedding anniversary, Caleb and I have decided to spontaneously hop on a flight to Cancun this weekend. I’m not going to be a whole lot of fun on our actual anniversary so celebrating prior to surgery seemed necessary.

I think some sun and sand should help banish those pesky anxiety-laden thoughts so I can just focus on staying calm for surgery and strong through recovery!

Let the pre-celebration begin!