I’ve been home for about a week now. It’s so easy to get lost in the day to day chaos that is life. Getting back into our routine was easier than I expected. Cooking, cleaning, homework, extracurriculars, baths, bedtime. All of it can really just take over everything, including the fact that I have cancer. It has been almost easy to forget that, despite this little reprieve, I’m still fighting for my life. There’s still a chance that the cancer is alive and trying to grow, trying to spread. Even Caleb has said that he sometimes forgets.

I feel like forgetting is both a blessing and a curse. It makes it easier to do the daily things that I need to but I also feel as though I’m not soaking it all in the way I was during active treatment. I’m distracted, wrapped up in my to-do list, not paying attention to my want-to-do list.

A clean house isn’t going to prolong my life. Running errands isn’t going to help me beat this thing. Stressing about homework and chores and bedtime routines certainly isn’t making me healthier. 

So how can I, how can we all, learn to stay in the present? Learn to not stress so much about these everyday things that, when we really look at them, aren’t all that important? Okay, maybe cleaning up the LEGO booby traps around my house is kind of important. But unmade beds and a messy play area shouldn’t be my main concern. Playing with my kids and tucking those kids into unmade beds needs to be my focus.

We all need to try our best to enjoy the time we have with our loved ones. Soak up the warm sunshine and appreciate the beautiful world we live in. Smile and laugh and just live for today. I never realized before how important living for today was until I was told that I might only have today; not having tomorrows makes today so much more precious.