As I sit here finishing up my (hopefully last) transfusion, I still can’t quite believe I’m done with the first phase of treatment. I made it through something that some doctors are afraid to prescribe because of how toxic and harmful it can be. But, as far as I can tell, I made it through mostly unscathed, at least in the ways that really matter. Sure, I’ve lost most of my hair (and eyebrows and eyelashes), but my body seems to have withstood the onslaught.

6 cycles. Doesn’t sound very scary or hard. However, when I break down what 6 cycles actually means, it comes across a little differently.

6 cycles of a very toxic, harsh chemo regimen. 18 weeks of treatment. 126 days, half of which were spent away from home. 24 active days of chemotherapy infusion. 78 hours of chemo (plus another 30 for pre-medications). 576 hours of the MESNA pump. Countless hours of waiting. Dozens of hospital bracelets. Over 15 scans. Over 40 visits to the lab. 4 transfusions. 

When I look at it like that, it makes me feel strong. And proud that I was able to get through it. I know that I have a lot more ahead of me. Radiation starts in a few weeks. Surgery in May. 6 more months of chemotherapy after that. But getting through this first phase makes all of that seem like nothing. 

I’m still scared of what the future might hold. I can’t ever use this regimen again so all I can do is hope that it did everything it could possibly do to eradicate the cancer. It still might come back. There are no guarantees, but that’s why we are using every treatment option available.

So, for now, here’s to my biggest victory thus far and I look forward to many more!