Today I start the last stage of my first battle! I still can’t quite believe I’m almost done with this chemotherapy. These last few months seemed to pass by in a blur. And, despite the fatigue and hair loss and transfusions, I still feel like myself. In the beginning, I was afraid I would start to feel like a sick person, a cancer patient. But that’s not really how I see myself. I look a little sicker than I did, but I’m just a person who has cancer, the cancer isn’t me. 

On Thursday, we had a follow-up with the oncologist and were told everything is looking good. My MRI didn’t show any evidence of disease or growth. I also got a bit of good, surprising news. We were originally told the PICC line they put in for chemotherapy would have to be in for about a year, but they’re going to take it out in a few weeks! They said it isn’t necessary for the other chemo drugs I will be getting later this year so I can have my arm back! I’ve had to miss out on skating with the kids this winter and thought I wouldn’t get to swim with them in the summer. But once the line comes out, I can swim and shower normally and pick my kids up without worrying. Even sleeping and choosing clothes is more difficult. Until she said I wouldn’t have to keep it in, I didn’t realize just how much it really impacted my daily life. I know Caleb is relieved about not having to change it for me weekly too.

I’m still trying to figure out how to live with the reality that the cancer could come back after all of this. The reality of that is probably my worst fear now. But I’m not going to let it control me. If anything, I’m going to use that fear to fuel my love of living. We’re going to go on trips, do all the fun things, take the pictures, and make sure we find joy in every single day we have, no matter how many (or how few) days that might be. I’m surrounded by so much love and support – what more could I need? 
So I’m not going to worry about what could happen to me and just enjoy all the good things that are happening.
Survivors make it through the fight, but warriors fight their way there. And I’m a warrior.