This past weekend we celebrated my eldest’s 7th birthday with an ice skating party on our backyard rink. First celebration of 2024! Despite it beginning and ending with a mini blizzard, everyone showed up and had a great time. Sure, the snacks were covered in snow and it was cold, but I saw so many smiles. My favorite part of the party, though, was that I never once felt like a cancer patient. I was just a Mom celebrating my little girl with lots of friends.
My girls also had their very first hockey tournament this weekend which was more fun than I had anticipated. Watching them skate around with the older girls with huge grins on their faces while they chased the puck and tried to score made me a very proud Mama. And with each shift they played, I was reminded why we are fighting the way we are, why we’re taking “the hardest road” as some have called it. I don’t want to miss a single tournament or birthday party or school event. I don’t want my kids to have to look at a photograph to remember my face or watch an old video to hear my voice. I want to be here for all of it. And if that means a year of fighting angiosarcoma with all the tools that exist, I won’t hesitate. I won’t stop fighting for my life so that I can keep being a part of theirs.
The thought of dying terrifies me. I’ve wondered about who will write my obituary; should I do it myself so no one has to? I certainly don’t want someone to tell everyone I “lit up a room when I walked in” because we all know I’m far too sarcastic for that to be true. But I don’t want to plan a funeral or write about myself like that. So, instead, I’m just going to focus on this battle, focus on living my life and soaking it all in.
We are arrived in Houston late last night for cycle 5. I’m a lot more nervous for this trip than the last few. This morning I got another CT scan to check for any metastases. I’m in the waiting room now for the echocardiogram to check for any doxorubicin-induced heart damage. Then, on Friday, we meet with the radiation oncologist and surgical oncologist in the morning. I’m hoping to determine what the next steps are once I finish up this chemotherapy. I might even have a surgery date before I head back home! Then we meet with Dr. Ravi in the afternoon.
I’m hoping these appointments will result in lots of information and a plan forward. I’m a planner so I definitely feel better when I know what is going to happen and when.