I had a bit of an emotional day yesterday. We have been trying to find a way to minimize the amount of time I have to stay in Houston after each treatment. We visited Roswell in hopes that they could take over the chemotherapy infusions. The doctor, although very nice and knowledgeable, did not want to complete the infusions exactly the way Dr. Ravi does them. I understand that each hospital does things their own way, but there’s a reason we chose the doctor and hospital that we did. This oncologist seemed to be less about curing the disease; he was almost lackadaisical about the whole thing. In my mind, Dr. Ravi is the expert whose primary goal is to cure me and he’s passionate about the curative intent of his regimen – so his opinion is the one I trust most. 
Today we meet with another oncologist in Albany. Instead of having infusions done elsewhere, we’re hoping the monitoring of my blood levels can be done at home. Ultimately, it will come down to Dr. Ravi and his approval of whatever plan we can come up with. But, if he says no, then I’m going to have to accept that the next few months will be spent mostly in Houston. Beating this cancer has to be my primary goal as well if I’m going to be successful. And I plan on being around for a very long time.
So, no matter what Dr. Ravi decides, I’m going to keep on smiling. I’m going to let the tears fall when they need to but I’m also going to find the joy.
I’ve realized that the joy is easier to find if you do something everyday that gives you a little burst of pride, a little burst of energy. Something significant or important to you. It doesn’t have to be big. I’m not saying you need to run a marathon or write a bestseller or paint a masterpiece.
You need to just do something you find joy in, that on your worst days you feel like is impossible. And you can’t worry about what someone else might think of it or if it’s good enough. Because that spark, that little burst of energy, it comes from within you. And when you feel it, you realize that no matter what you’re going through – cancer, chemo, divorce, grief, life in general – you don’t have to lie down and take it. You can beat it, overcome it, take charge of it. Show up for your life and find the joy. Demand it. Find the joy so you can enjoy the little things.