Yesterday (10/26), I completed my echocardiogram to get a baseline for my heart function. The chemotherapy that I start tomorrow can be very toxic to the heart so the doctor will be monitoring it closely. Today I completed a full body PET scan to map out any remaining tumor that may be left in my breast and to also try and detect any small metastases  that may have spread. Hopefully, it has not had a chance to take hold anywhere else. My best chance of kicking this thing is if it is contained. Tomorrow afternoon I will receive my first chemo infusion.

Today, after my scan, we received a message from the nurse that we weren’t expecting.  My doctor’s team is expecting me to stay in Houston for the first cycle of chemotherapy – three more weeks. We expected to be going home this Wednesday after the final infusion. It was like a punch to the gut. The thought of not seeing my children for an entire month was (and is still) physically painful. I don’t know how I’m going to do it. Or how I’m going to tell my children that Mommy isn’t coming home for a while. The rational part of me knows that this is the best thing for my health. The doctor wants to monitor how I react to the medications, to see how my blood levels react and to watch for complications. But my kiddos aren’t going to understand all that; all they are going to hear is that they won’t get to see me for a very long time. My 3 year old thinks a minute feels like forever so 3 weeks will sound like a lifetime to him. 

But, if I want to see my kids grow into teenagers and be there to field all of their sassiness, if I want to see them fall in love and get married, if I want to be there for them for years to come, this is what I have to do. 

So tomorrow I will start chemotherapy. Tomorrow I will start a very long cycle of being away from my children. Tomorrow I will go into battle and I will stay strong so that, when I come out on the other side, I’ll know that I’ve done all that I can to be there for my family.